50 Lessons in 50 Years: Lesson Two
This year I am turning 50! I am not sure what it is, but this birthday has made me more reflective than most. It has caused me to not only look forward but to look back at all that has occurred in my 50 years of life. This year I thought I would spend the year by sharing with you 50 lessons I have learned in my 50 years. I hope this will be a beneficial experience for both of us. These will be listed in no particular order. My method will be to share what is on my heart and to be authentically transparent.
Ann Madison
This year I am inviting you on a journey with me to reflect on many of the things I have learned over the last five decades. Some of the lessons I have learned have come from places of deep pain and deeply held beliefs. For these decades, I have had to learn to filter out what is incorrect with the truth. I hope you will join me each week as I share more of the insights I have gained and hopefully learn along the way.
Before I jump into sharing my next lesson, let me give you some background to help you understand why this is such a valuable lesson. For most of my life, I had a voice running in my head (not a literal voice, just my thoughts) that would say things to me that I would hold to as truth. This voice would say to me things like “They don’t like you”, “You aren’t good enough”, “You are not smart enough”, “You always fail”, “You are not a good enough mom”, “ You should be a better wife.” These words became my world of self-condemnation. I did not only listen to these words, I began to believe them.
These “voices” began to have so much power over me that I allowed them to become my filter. If something would happen– I would use the “voices” as evidence to support my failing or shortcoming. Instead of stopping to consider what was really going on I began to accept all of the thoughts and voices within my mind. And these shaped how I would see myself. This didn’t happen overnight, in fact, as I reflect I see that this was a slow process that took place over time–many years. As I continue to embrace this practice, it became normative and was integrated into my everyday life. No longer did I question the “voices” in my head instead, they became “my truth”.
Today, I cringe when I hear this word “my truth” because I have learned that I cannot rely on myself to create truth. “My truth” had become an anchor holding me back from what was important– a filter of truth. I needed to re-learn and dig in and discover what is true. I needed to know how I could create a true litmus test for truth. This was a process that took me time to embrace and put into practice.
I could tell you that I learned how to find truth and to rewrite my “voices” quickly but that would not be an accurate picture. First, I had to figure out what is the ultimate truth and how do I find it. How to know where to find a litmus test to challenge my thought life? As a person of faith, I have always known that Scripture is the root and foundation of all truth, it is in fact God-breathed–meaning it is the word of God. So I began to dig and understand who it is that God says I am. After all, He did create me, so as my creator He defines me.
What I learned is that God created me for a purpose. Yes, when I was made it was not happenstance it was with intentionality—purpose. This was good for me to reflect on as I did not always see my purpose. As I continued to dig I learned that I have value and worth not because of anything I have done but because of God–He gave me value. For many years I held onto false beliefs that I am not good enough, I have little value, or I am only good enough for _____. These were all things I had to wrestle through and learn how to filter through what was true.
That brings me to the next part of this learning process which was to be intentional in taking each and every thought I had captive. Instead of sitting with each thought and believing them, I now stopped and wrestled with them to determine what is and is not true. This took time to practice and to do to a point that made it part of my normal routine. With intentional practice, this because natural. Today, I don’t have to think through the steps of how to filter, I just do it. I have a thought, and I quickly compare it to what is true. I am still a work in progress and have bad days, but now I have the tools to be able to shift my focus from me to the Truth.
So here is my second lesson in one simple phrase, The things I tell myself are thoughts and must be tested with the Truth.
