That’s how I felt when I looked in the mirror after I lost Kirk I didn’t recognize the woman looking back. I looked pale and lifeless. My eyes that were always full of life looked sunken in and sad, no sparkle to be found. To be honest, I couldn’t stand to look at myself because the reality of what life had just thrown me was written all over my face; my eyes told the tale. Women that were complete strangers would come up to me in public, pat my hand, and give me a look of first hand knowledge and understanding.
I am sure they were looking into a human mirror of their past of when they experienced the loss of their husbands. As I talked to other widows, they also experienced the same encounters in public. Our faces and eyes cannot hide grieving. It’s been said that our eyes are the windows to our souls, and if that be the case then my eyes after losing Kirk were deep, hollow, and dark.
For a couple of years after Kirk passed, I felt like a stranger within myself. I kept trying to find footing that felt familiar. I was a wife and a mom and suddenly I was a widow with a child that lost her father. I had to remind myself daily that this journey was going to be a marathon and not a sprint. I prayed for direction and ask God to show me the path back to myself. I cried out to Him to help me stay on the path that was anointed for me and to keep focused.
In Proverbs 3:6 NIV it says, “in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” I ask every day for the wisdom to hear His voice and follow the path He has laid before me.
I also found Psalm 23:3 NIV helpful, “He refreshes my soul, He guides me along the right paths for His names sake.” Just knowing that being on the path that He has laid out before me not only leads me toward God, it also gives me rest and allows my soul to find refreshment so that I can continue my journey with Him.
Since I have been a widow for almost 7 years, one thing that is constant is that life is ever changing. Life comes at you fast and there are stretches of time that seem relentless. One thing to always remember is that God never changes. He is the only one that is constant and never moves off course, never gets distracted, nothing surprises Him. Psalm 62:6 NIV says, “Truly He is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress; I will not be shaken.” God never moves from us, He never changes.
When your life is shaken, when you lose your footing; look to God for your foundation. We read in Matthew 7:26 NIV, “The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had it’s foundation on the rock.”
Storms will come when we least expect them. Some storms will tear through and try to destroy you. If you build on the Rock, and trust and have faith that this foundation will not be shaken, you can weather any storm.
It takes time to get through these storms of life. It will take time to recognize yourself in the mirror. But I promise that you will get through the storms and the mirror will be welcoming again. God is with you and loves you. He will help you and never leave you. Have faith and trust in God and leave the heavy burdens to Him. Matthew 11:28-30 NIV, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Lord, I pray for everyone that is heavy in heart. I pray for everyone that do not recognize the person they are right now. I pray that You will refresh their souls and give them rest. Being a widow is such a heavy burden Lord, but we are shown in scriptures that You are for us and love us. Lord I pray that we all feel your presence . You never move or leave us, but we do move and disconnect and I pray that we stay connected to You Lord because You alone fill our souls and give us rest. Thank you Lord!! It’s in Your Precious Name I pray..Amen!!
Angela Key was born in Indianapolis and was raised in Mooresville. There she graduated from Mooresville High School and after secondary school and marriage, her and her late husband Kirk stayed in the area to raise their daughter Emily. In June of 2011, they tragically lost Kirk in an accident at his workplace. As time has passed, Angela began to take classes through Indiana Wesleyan for Biblical Studies and also took a class for Biblical Counseling through Rod and Staff Ministries. She always had a desire to help other women who find themselves in a similar situation being a widow and being left as the only caregiver. Angela experienced that through the love of Jesus and leaning on Him for strength, she could find a new normal and be able to reach back to help other women on their widow journey. She works full time as a Certified Professional Coder for Community Physician’s Network. In her spare time, she likes to read and enjoys watching Emily play travel and high school soccer.