That’s how I felt when I looked in the mirror after I lost Kirk; I didn’t recognize the woman looking back. I looked pale and lifeless. My eyes that were always full of life looked sunken in and sad, no sparkle to be found. To be honest, I couldn’t stand to look at myself because the reality of what life had just thrown at me was written all over my face. Women that were complete strangers would come up to me in public, pat my hand, and give me a look of first-hand knowledge and understanding.
Our faces and eyes cannot hide grieving. It’s been said that our eyes are the windows to our souls, and if that be the case then my eyes after losing Kirk were deep, hollow, and dark.
For a couple years after Kirk passed, I felt like a stranger within myself. I kept trying to find footing that felt familiar. I was a wife and a mom. Suddenly, I was a widow with a child that lost her father. I had to remind myself daily that this journey was going to be a marathon, not a sprint. I prayed for direction and asked God to show me the path back to myself. I cried out to Him to help me stay on the path that was anointed for me and to keep focused.
Proverbs 3:6, says, “In all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” I ask every day for the wisdom to hear His voice and follow the path He has laid before me.
Since I have been a widow for almost 7 years, one thing that is constant is that life is ever-changing. Life comes at you fast and there are stretches of time that seem relentless. But something to remember and carry with you is that God never changes. He is the only one that is constant and never moves off course, never gets distracted, nothing surprises Him. God never moves from us, He never changes.
When your life is shaken, when you lose your footing; look to God for your foundation. We read in Matthew 7:26, “The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had it’s foundation on the rock.” Storms will come when we least expect them. Some storms will tear through and try to destroy you. If you build on the Rock, and trust and have faith that this foundation will not be shaken, you can weather any storm.
It takes time to get through these storms of life. It will take time to recognize yourself in the mirror. But I promise that you will get through the storms and the mirror will be welcoming again. God is with you and loves you. He will help you and never leave you. Have faith and trust in God and leave the heavy burdens to Him.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
A prayer for your unrecognizable self:
Lord, I pray for everyone that is heavy in heart.
I pray for everyone that do not recognize the person they are right now.
I pray that You will refresh their souls and give them rest.
Being a widow is such a heavy burden Lord, but we are shown in scriptures that You are for us and love us.
Lord, I pray that we all feel your presence.
You never move or leave us, but we do move and disconnect and I pray that we stay connected to You Lord because You alone fill our souls and give us rest.
Thank you Lord. It’s in Your Precious Name I pray.
Comfort from the Psalms:
“He refreshes my soul, He guides me along the right paths for His names sake.” Psalm 23:3
“Truly He is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress; I will not be shaken.” Psalm 62:6